Advocacy work can be both healing and rewarding. When I first decided that I wanted to find a way to help other survivors of sexual assault work through the difficulties of the systems that surround us, I didn’t realize what a benefit it would have on my own mental health. I recognized a flaw in many of the supports that survivors needed like the legal system, the hospital system, first responders and even counselors.
My own experiences in all of those systems included too much victim blaming and shaming. I remember thinking to myself, if I got into a car accident and broke my arm, no one would ask me why I got in the car in the first place. That simply doesn’t happen, yet when we as survivors get raped or assaulted everything about our circumstances is questioned. What were you wearing, why were you in that neighborhood, were you drinking?
I will be discussing these issues and more on a new show that I launched with Neil Parekh, “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health.” My dear friend, Samantha Collier, will be our guest.
Often survivors blame themselves for the rape. The system often reinforces that. When people say that we are to blame it is very damaging. I wanted to find ways to change those things. I wanted other survivors to have a better, more positive experience than I did. I’m an extrovert and a kind of pushy one at that. I knew that my voice could be a tool to make change in the systems that failed me. So that is what I did. I spoke up and I spoke out. I found ways to educate people about victim blaming and to lobby for legislative change. I found people that were willing to listen to my concerns and do something about it.
These things changed my life and helped me to heal in a different way. My story was less and less important and the stories of other survivors were more and more important. I began to see the bigger picture outside of my own circumstances and it felt good and positive to make lasting, relevant changes in systems.
When I met Sam, she stated that I was a big fish in a big pond. This means that the ripple effect my advocacy work had on the community was huge. I had never thought about it that way. My job was simply to make changes to a flawed ecosystem for the next person who had to endure similar things that I went through. Over the years of knowing Sam, I have learned so much from her. She is persistent, determined and driven to make change. This makes her an even bigger fish in an even bigger pond and I am so blessed to call her my friend.
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