Redefining Motherhood as Your Kids Become More Independent

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With Mother’s Day right around the corner and with our guest this week talking about the grief of losing a child, I did some reflecting on my own experiences as a mother.

I have talked about my miscarriages and how incredibly sad that time in my life was. I have also talked about the wonderful children I have and how much being a mother has meant to me. 

What I haven’t talked about is the challenges of the transition to when your children become grown-ups with their own relationships and their emergence as independent human beings. People don’t always share how sad and beautiful that stage of life is. 

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We will be talking about the unbreakable bonds of motherhood on Ep. 29 of “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health,” Thursday, May 8 at 6pm CT / 7pm ET.

Neil Parekh is my co-host. My good friend, Amanda Kranz, will be our guest. she will talk about her daughter, Adaya, who passed away just shy of three months old. You can watch the live show or recording on Facebook, Twitter*, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram* or Neil's website.

*We won't know the exact urls for Twitter or Instagram until we go live on Thursday. For now, these links go to Neil's Twitter and my Instagram.

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Watching my children graduate from college, begin their careers, and move in with their partners has been a beautiful, yet painful experience. People don’t talk much about the sense of loss you feel when you are no longer your child's primary caregiver. We spend a lifetime caring for our children, watching them grow, nurturing them through sicknesses, falls, and sad times. We tend to lose ourselves to being a mother—which is natural and perfect, and I wouldn’t change that for anything—but after they are gone, we have to redefine who we are. 

Discovering a sense of self after so many years of focusing on someone else is an interesting process. Understanding your child and what they need from you, or don’t, is an intense process. 

I was kind of a helicopter parent too, so stepping away and allowing my children to make their own decisions, good or bad, has been tough. I’m doing it because that is what they need from me, but not talking to them every day or not knowing everything that they have going on in their lives has been quite the transition to say the least. 

This week’s show is about grief and loss and unbreakable bonds between a mother and her children. I have not experienced what Amanda has experienced, and I hope to never have to know the loss of a child. I only hope this Mother’s Day that my children understand that I would give them anything in the world and that I only wish them happiness and joy in their lives.

Being a mother is truly the greatest gift in this world, but it is also one of the hardest jobs in life. If your mom is still with you, make sure you pick up the phone and call her this Sunday, take her out to lunch, or simply give her a hug and tell her how much you appreciate her and love her.