Those who know me well would say I wear my heart on my sleeve. I would say I live my life with my heart wide open.
As a passionate woman with a genuine interest in everyone I meet, I find myself drawn to people and truly find joy in hearing the stories that they share with me. As I meet with people, I like to know where they have lived and worked, why they chose their profession, and how they ended up where they are today.
Life is a journey, and I enjoy hearing about the paths individuals have taken. Listening to the stories can often be joyful and interesting and other times difficult and sad. Each of us has our own lived experiences. We never know where people have been until we take the time to listen and meet them where they are.
I will share my story and my work as an advocate on a livestream show launched by Neil Parekh and Dawn Helmrich Neuburg, “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health.” You can watch the live show Thursday, January 9 at 7pm ET / 6pm CT OR the recording on Facebook, Twitter*, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram* and Neil's website.
*We won't know the exact urls for Twitter or Instagram until we go live. For now, those links go to Neil's accounts.
Family Trauma
I was born on January 24, 1967, right before the historic “Chicago Blizzard of ’67” when the entire city and surrounding area shut down due to a record snowfall that closed the roads and highways for days. Because of this historic snowfall my mom nicknamed me “Snow Bunny.” Just writing those words evokes emotion that causes tears to well up in my eyes. My mom was a very strong woman and a fierce advocate for others.
She endured a lot in her lifetime. By the time she reached 34 years of age, she had lost two of her first five children. These two losses not only impacted her, but our entire family. Her first baby passed shortly after birth and as a result of a tragic accident we lost my oldest brother, Wesley, at six years of age on April 24, 1969. At that time my older sister Julienne was five years old, and I was two and half. My father always said, “Thank God we had you two girls because that is what kept your mom and me going.” This significant loss and life change caused a ripple effect on our family.
Despite all the sadness, our family was blessed with another baby boy when my little brother Dan was born on July 2, 1970. The bond formed between my sister and little brother was very strong. She protected him with all her might. As children, we never quite know how our childhoods are going to shape our lives, and perhaps thankfully so. Later in life, if we take time to reflect back on our childhood, we can see how the early years impact the future choices we make and how it impacts the path we chose to walk down.
I have no recollection of my brother Wesley, other than the few framed photographs my mom kept hanging in our childhood home. I do know that my mom said she would witness me talking alone in my room as I played by myself. I later learned she often thought I was talking to him. As Wesley’s baby sister, he and I shared a very close bond. Reflecting now, I recall my entire childhood, being alone, feeling alone and talking to myself a lot. Being alone and playing alone was probably somewhat common for a child, but feeling alone was another.
This loneliness grew as I realized others in my home were consumed with their own lives, but later I realized they were walking through life grief-stricken. As a little girl this meant my mom was withdrawn when it came to my emotional needs, and understandably so. For my mom that meant no reading to the children, no bedtime stories, and no playing together from time to time. I never felt neglected or unloved, but this disconnection had a real impact on my life. Later I realized that my parents and sister had lost my brother, but what I lost was my family.
Frustration, Worry and Anxiety in Elementary School
As I prepared to enter Kindergarten, I remember my mom telling me I had to learn the ABCs and count to 10 or I would not be able to go to school. I was really excited to go to school like my older sister so I made an effort to learn what I could. After all, I knew that school meant finding friends and finally having others in my life so I would not feel so alone.
However, I entered school unprepared for the struggle I would experience. It didn’t take long, and I was labeled by the teachers for having possible learning disabilities and a distinct speech impediment. What should have been a joyful experience for a five-year-old brought frustration, worry and even some anxiety.
I was often singled out and sent to the hallway or another classroom to work with a teacher's aide. Weekly, I spent one on one time with a speech therapist for the first two years of school. I clearly remember being taken out of class every day for the first three years to be in a “special” reading group. The group consisted of other children, mostly boys who were also labeled as troublemakers. I got the sense that I, too, was a bad child or something was wrong with me.
Thankfully, because I was a strong little girl, I focused on what I could do to ensure I would persevere through this experience. I recall reading my Dick and Jane book out loud for hours each evening. The combination of reading and speaking must have helped with my development because I advanced to the next grade level.
I was so happy I made it to second grade, which was a turning point in my life as our family moved to a new town and I started my journey at Riley School in Marengo, Illinois, where I met three teachers who had a lasting impact on my life. These teachers, Mrs. Kallal, Mrs. Hellemann, and Mrs. Parrett, encouraged me to work hard, focus on my strengths, and always do my best. They took an interest, provided me with much-needed attention, and saw in me something I did not see in myself. As I reflect on their impact, they truly inspired me to be tenacious, driven, and resilient. Knowing they were in my corner made me want to do better. They helped me feel like I fit in even though I still felt very alone.
My Development as an Advocate
I had no idea until now how the first seven years of my life had a real impact on me. From that time forward, whenever I saw another child being bullied, I would often be the one to stand up for them. I quickly realized then that I was the only one who took time to ask others how they were doing. I tried to be inclusive of others. I found ways to ask others to be a part of what I was doing because I could see on their face the sadness of being left out. All of this led me to becoming a fierce advocate for others. I am an empath. I connect deeply with the words, the expressions, and the feelings of others. My gut is my guide, and I have learned through all my life difficulties and decisions to trust it.
As I participate in this show and tell a bit more about my story, I hope to share examples of how we can all advocate for people in our lives. There are people counting on us; our children, grandchildren, a spouse, siblings, friends and even neighbors. Advocating for others is what drew me to my many careers, especially to my role as a United Way Executive and later to the role I serve at United Way NEXT—the Alumni Network. Each person, each story, and each connection has caused me to realize it’s okay to live with my heart wide open being a fierce advocate for others. I hope you will tune into the show on Thursday, January 9 at 7pm ET / 6pm CT to learn more about how you too can advocate for yourself and others.
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