I see a therapist. I never thought I’d say those words out loud. I have been lucky in that I’ve mostly been able to find help when I needed it. I’ve been in and out of therapy since college. (The gaps have mostly been after moving from one city to another. I also lived in Cairo, Egypt for about two years.) Although I don’t think I was ever embarrassed about going to therapy, I also never volunteered the information and kept it private for almost thirty years.
I first started seeing a therapist back in college, at Wesleyan University. I can’t honestly remember if I saw them regularly or just as needed. I do remember a few specific incidents that prompted me to make an appointment. Those incidents were mostly situational-based anxiety. I don’t remember long-term, deep work while at college.
I will discuss my experience with therapy on a new show that I launched with Dawn Helmrich, “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health.” Rev. Tyler Coles, who I met when he was a minister at the Mount Vernon Unitarian Church, will be our guest. You can watch live show Thursday, August 1st at 7pm ET / 6pm CT or the recording on this website or watch on Facebook, Twitter*, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram* and my website.
*We won't know the exact urls for Twitter or Instagram until we go live. For now, these links go to my
When I graduated and moved to Washington, DC. I remember finding a therapist through the George Washington University graduate program. They had grad students who needed hours, who offered a reduced rate. Being just out of school, it was what I could afford. I don’t think I had health insurance at the time.
I still remember a specific insight from that therapist. I remember her telling me that my sense of guilt was like a bookshelf. I could take different books off the shelf, and they may have different titles but it was all related to guilt. It’s something I still struggle with.
I probably had my longest gap between therapists when I moved to Seattle. For the first two years, logistics were the primary barrier. Then, I lived in Egypt for two years. It was another year or so after I returned that I started seeing Dr. Micheal Kane, someone I hope to have as a guest on our show. (Dr. Kane, if you’re reading this...call me maybe?)
It was a particularly low point in my life. I couldn’t get out of bed. I was completely overwhelmed. In fact, at one point, my wife had to call him (with my permission) to let him know how bad I was doing. Seeing me in person, he could tell how bad I was doing that particular day. When I was seeing him in person, Dr. Kane gave me a simple rule. Shave once a week. If I do nothing else, do that little bit of self-care.
His approach focuses on “Loving Me More,” as in loving the self.
For the past five years, I’ve been seeing a therapist through Better Help, an online provider of mental health services. It works well for me. We’ll talk more about in-person vs. online therapy on our August 8th show when Dr. Grace Hipona will be our guest.
I have had two occasions where I knew fairly quickly a therapist wasn’t a good fit. I quickly moved on.
There is so much that goes into finding the right therapist. Sometimes you need to see multiple people to get the right fit. We should do whatever we can to make that process easier.
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