After Our Daughter’s Second Suicide Attempt, We Felt Lost and Alone

Trigger Warning: This content contains discussion of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Please scroll to the bottom for available resources.

After our daughter's second suicide attempt, we felt lost and alone. We were wandering in the wilderness. Our daughter had suffered from years of misdiagnosis and mistreatment by well-meaning and ill-equipped clinicians or psychiatrists solely focused on prescribing medications.

As I think back, it breaks my heart to see how much pain she went through: obsessions, fear of abandonment, outbursts of anger and fury that appeared suddenly and without warning, expressions of self-doubt, volatile and unhealthy relationships, detachment during family and individual conversations; and most difficult of all were the suicide attempts.

After her latest suicide attempt, she was admitted to our regional psychiatric hospital. She finally received appropriate help from knowledgeable professionals. We didn't know that we were dealing with a mental health illness called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

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I will be talking about my daughter's experience with Borderline Personality Disorder and the support our family received from the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder on "Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health," a twice a month livestream hosted by my friend Neil Parekh, and Dawn Helmrich. You can watch the live show Thursday, March 27 at 7pm ET / 6pm CT OR the recording on Facebook, Twitter*, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram* and Neil's website.

*We won't know the exact urls for Twitter or Instagram until we go live. For now, those links go to Neil's accounts.

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Not knowing what we were up against was so challenging, and with an accurate diagnosis, our daughter was able to research the best treatment and find the right psychiatrist and therapist to help her cope. It was a relief to finally understand what we were dealing with.  

Our daughter was fortunate to learn what mental health illness she was experiencing.  It's estimated that 1.6% of the U.S. population suffers from BPD. BPD is characterized by a pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity.  Millions of people exhibit BPD traits…behaviors that make it difficult for them to have close relationships.  

There is hope, thanks to some evidence-based therapies proven to aid patients.  Our daughter has been undergoing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for several years.  DBT has taught her skills, enabling her to live the life she wants.  We are so proud of her progress and optimistic about the future.  

We received an invitation to attend a peer-led group specific to family members of a loved one who has traits of BPD. We jumped at the chance to participate and completed the 12-week Family Connections™ class from the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEAPBD). This class gave us a comprehensive understanding of BPD, practical skills to navigate our relationship with our daughter and a supportive community. Our experience with NEABPD was transformative. It not only transformed our family; it saved our family.  

Family members are a hidden segment that do not receive a lot of attention or support, and they are in pain and suffering, too.  Research shows that family members are not just important; they are essential in supporting their loved one with BPD and providing a validating environment.

Attending Family Connections™ was such a beneficial experience that I became a class leader.  I was motivated to give back and help others. I also believe in the adage that if you want to learn something…teach it.  I have co-led seven classes.  I eventually volunteered on several committees and joined NEABPD's Board of Directors.  I now serve as the Board Chair for NEABPD. 

NEABPD is the largest source in the world for materials, research, and videos on BPD. Our programs are evidence-based and provide the latest information about BPD. They teach skills to reduce your pain and suffering, connect you with others who know what you're experiencing, and support you.    

NEABPD's mission is to provide education, raise public awareness and understanding, decrease stigma, promote research, and enhance the quality of life of those affected by Borderline Personality Disorder and/or related problems, including severe and chronic emotion dysregulation.

If you or someone you know have had thoughts of hurting themselves, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 988 for 24/7 free and confidential support. You can also visit 988lifeline.org.