Healing from anything traumatic can be a long process. For me my healing journey is never ending. I work daily to find the joy in everything. Healing is such a personal experience and often looks very different for different people. I have gone to therapy and attended support groups, I have used exercise and writing, crocheting and singing as some of my avenues to making myself well and whole again.
I have done this work over the course of 30 years and I think I will always be on this path to self discovery. There are many aspects of my life that are still a challenge for me. I worry way too much about my weight and aging, I am my own worst critic and I don’t give myself nearly enough credit for the work I have done in advocacy and policy. I most certainly don’t give myself enough credit for how I raise my children or for writing a book. My life is not perfect by any means, but beyond healing is happiness.
We will be discussing Finding Happiness / Healing After Trauma on Ep. 20 of “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health” Thursday, December 19 at 6pm CT / 7pm ET. Neil Parekh is my co-host. Shawna Vercher will be our guest.
You can watch the live show or the recording on Facebook, Twitter*, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram* or Neil's website.
*We won't know the exact urls for Twitter and Instagram until we go live. These links go to Neil's Twitter and my Instagram.
I prioritized my own happiness about 5 years ago. I decided it was time to not just heal from my trauma, but to find the things in life that really made me happy and to practice those things on a daily basis. Shawna talks about the road to happiness after trauma.
Here are the ways I practice those 10 things that bring me happiness:
Practice self-care: I try to do all the things that bring me happiness with self care. I like to crochet and see concerts, travel locally and spend as much time with my husband as I can. I try to relax and take naps, read and exercise.
Create a circle of true support: This show alone is an amazing circle of true support, but I also surround myself with other survivors that are doing advocacy work in the community and I have surrounded myself with true friends that understand what my needs are and I understand theirs as well.
Do something that gives you purpose: I try to live everyday doing the things that give me purpose. I work in a job that fulfills my need to support my community. I wrote a book to help inspire and give hope to others. I try to love all my people as much as I possibly can and show them daily what they mean to me.
Do something to serve others: My life’s work is to volunteer my time and energy making a difference in my community. I sit on a board for a sexual assault provider. I do policy and advocacy work on a regular basis. I find as many opportunities as I can to educate people about the needs of survivors and the lack of funding and understanding around sexual violence.
Do one small attainable item on your to do list: One of my favorite things to do is cross something off on my to do list. I make it a point every day to do something, anything that is on my list. I am pretty good at checking off multiple things in a day. It helps to keep me motivated.
Write down a plan to tackle a big goal: I wasn’t able to finish my book without this step. I was all over the place and I didn’t really know how I was going to finish, or publish, what the steps were to sell my book. So, I made a plan, but not just in my head, I wrote it down so that I was accountable to myself for what I wanted to accomplish.
Find an activity that is your “Church”: I like to exercise, although I think I could be better at it. Going to the gym gives me a sense of accomplishment, it is a place where I feel safe and makes me happy. I feel connected to others when I am there doing my thing.
Learn how to embrace failure: I learned a long time ago that failure is not a bad thing. The only way we learn is by doing things that don’t work out the way we had intended. I use failure as a means to grow in everything I do. It is important to embrace the things that don’t go well as much as you embrace things that do go well.
Forgive your younger self: I had to make amends with my younger self long ago. I made a lot of bad decisions and mistakes and they were all learning experiences. I learned to trust myself and forgive myself for things that happened due to the trauma that I faced. Being tender with yourself and loving who you were as much as who you are now is truly important.
Change your inner language: Whelp… there had to be one that I am not very good at and this is the one. I am not always nice to myself and the way I talk to myself. There are still things that I need to work on and work through and I need to be kinder in the language that I use to talk to myself. I want to embrace and encourage myself to keep working on this one and to remind my inner language that words matter.
Being happy should be a priority for everyone. Understanding that there are ways that you can change the way you view the world and experience true happiness is very important. It is not selfish to prioritize your health, happiness and wellbeing. I strive to find something good and positive every day.
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